What's in a Manual Anyway?
When things come up with my kids, I always think back to when I was that age. I think about the things that I did and said and the difference between my mother's reaction and my fathers reaction and how it all made me feel.
While the love was always there from my dad, he had a hard shell and didn't tolerate a lot. This might be partial to the fact that I was the only girl. Perhaps he wasn't too sure what the right words were sometimes when things got tough with a teenage girl but he was great at showing affection. Watching him and my mother together for 26 years, he ultimately paved a path for me and taught me how a man should treat a woman.
My mother was graceful and always took my feelings into consideration before reacting or responding. I can't remember many times that she raised her voice at us kids but always seemed to have the right advise. I admit, a lot of times I did what I wanted to do but hearing my mom talk to me and thinking in retrospect of the things that she said when I was struggling with something, leaves her voice resonating in my mind. That's important to me since she's gone and I try my hardest to be the mother that she was.
So, here I am with three kids of my own, trying to raise them right without a manual and by myself. I see my mom and my dad in me when it comes to parenting my kids. Like my dad, I'm stern and firm with no's. I'm pretty stubborn too and punishments could be extreme at times. I'm the decision maker in the family. I also enjoyed snuggle time when my kids were younger. Hair time with my daughters, little love notes on the bedside table and lots of Eskimo kisses, like my mom.
I never realized how I made my parents feel being a stubborn teenage girl until I had children of my own, who dish out the same attitude that I did. But part of parenting, too, is teaching our children empathy. Recognize and acknowledge other peoples feelings too, right? When you're a kid, you're not thinking that all of the wonderful things that you have were worked hard for. At least not for me. My parents never talked about money in front of us kids and I never saw them struggle. My dad was a successful business owner and my mom had the luxury of being home taking care of us kids and waiting on us hand and foot. Until I had to count change from the ashtray in my car for dinner, I didn't realize that perhaps my parents struggled too. Of all the things that I always asked for and almost always got as gifts, I didn't realize that perhaps my parents had to go through hoops to buy it, like I do. I didn't realize that when my parents weren't able to give me something that I asked for, perhaps they closed the door to their bedroom and cried a little, like I do. All in the face of making our children happy, we hurt when we can't make that happen. When I am literally breaking my neck to provide but still can't seem to come through completely for my kids.
What I do remember from my childhood is that I was always grateful for the nice things that I had. You can call me privileged, you can call me spoiled because I probably was. My parents did the absolute best that they could do for me and I only see that now as a mother myself.
I am struggling with my feelings today. I want to throw my arms around my mom and just let the tears flow. I know that she would be honest with me about what I should do about this problem that I have that encouraged me to write this morning. No matter how much I try to be like her, I don't get the response from my kids that I had with her loving, nurturing soul. My mother would do anything to take away a tear and make me smile, a lot like I try to do. Like Taco Bell after a bad day at school for a bag of cinnamon twists and a Dr Pepper. Or just a reassuring kiss on the forehead and a simple 'I love you'. I always believed her that things would be okay, and they always were.
I miss her so much, on days like this, it hurts every inch of my body. Don't take one second for granted with your mother. There is no love greater than a mothers love and one day, you may never get it back.
While the love was always there from my dad, he had a hard shell and didn't tolerate a lot. This might be partial to the fact that I was the only girl. Perhaps he wasn't too sure what the right words were sometimes when things got tough with a teenage girl but he was great at showing affection. Watching him and my mother together for 26 years, he ultimately paved a path for me and taught me how a man should treat a woman.My mother was graceful and always took my feelings into consideration before reacting or responding. I can't remember many times that she raised her voice at us kids but always seemed to have the right advise. I admit, a lot of times I did what I wanted to do but hearing my mom talk to me and thinking in retrospect of the things that she said when I was struggling with something, leaves her voice resonating in my mind. That's important to me since she's gone and I try my hardest to be the mother that she was.
So, here I am with three kids of my own, trying to raise them right without a manual and by myself. I see my mom and my dad in me when it comes to parenting my kids. Like my dad, I'm stern and firm with no's. I'm pretty stubborn too and punishments could be extreme at times. I'm the decision maker in the family. I also enjoyed snuggle time when my kids were younger. Hair time with my daughters, little love notes on the bedside table and lots of Eskimo kisses, like my mom.
I never realized how I made my parents feel being a stubborn teenage girl until I had children of my own, who dish out the same attitude that I did. But part of parenting, too, is teaching our children empathy. Recognize and acknowledge other peoples feelings too, right? When you're a kid, you're not thinking that all of the wonderful things that you have were worked hard for. At least not for me. My parents never talked about money in front of us kids and I never saw them struggle. My dad was a successful business owner and my mom had the luxury of being home taking care of us kids and waiting on us hand and foot. Until I had to count change from the ashtray in my car for dinner, I didn't realize that perhaps my parents struggled too. Of all the things that I always asked for and almost always got as gifts, I didn't realize that perhaps my parents had to go through hoops to buy it, like I do. I didn't realize that when my parents weren't able to give me something that I asked for, perhaps they closed the door to their bedroom and cried a little, like I do. All in the face of making our children happy, we hurt when we can't make that happen. When I am literally breaking my neck to provide but still can't seem to come through completely for my kids.
What I do remember from my childhood is that I was always grateful for the nice things that I had. You can call me privileged, you can call me spoiled because I probably was. My parents did the absolute best that they could do for me and I only see that now as a mother myself.
I am struggling with my feelings today. I want to throw my arms around my mom and just let the tears flow. I know that she would be honest with me about what I should do about this problem that I have that encouraged me to write this morning. No matter how much I try to be like her, I don't get the response from my kids that I had with her loving, nurturing soul. My mother would do anything to take away a tear and make me smile, a lot like I try to do. Like Taco Bell after a bad day at school for a bag of cinnamon twists and a Dr Pepper. Or just a reassuring kiss on the forehead and a simple 'I love you'. I always believed her that things would be okay, and they always were.
I miss her so much, on days like this, it hurts every inch of my body. Don't take one second for granted with your mother. There is no love greater than a mothers love and one day, you may never get it back.
Plumb - In My Arms
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